She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm sobbing to NWA
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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