I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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