I am in a vortex of obligation.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How naked do you want me to be?
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