We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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