I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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