if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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