so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
