You can't special order awesome
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
