I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
