the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
