Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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