Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
