You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
only if we run a train.
done.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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