And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
