I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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