If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
