No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
