There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He? As in you personified your dick?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Congratulations! We have a period
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