I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
