When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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