I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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