great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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