Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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