you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
