It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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