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im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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