I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
