This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
