I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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