I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
