Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
