She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
