I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
