i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
