y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
