i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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