lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He passed out mid-signature
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
