My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
