Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
