I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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