Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
