i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Let's paint friendship bongs
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
