I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
