Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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