you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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