She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
