Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I understand Curling. That high.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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