I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
