Duck Duck Cougar?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
