Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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