I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
