i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
