making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
