high people should be assigned attendants
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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